i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
