Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
