I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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