do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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