We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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