Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I had to cum in my sink.
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