Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
