Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
