im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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