It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
