My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
