I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
