if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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