Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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