the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
