His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
