I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize