my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
