I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
