please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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