shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FUCK WHALES
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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