Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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