stop calling my apartment porn island.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
