Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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