So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
