I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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