We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
