I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nicole vs. Life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She needs sedatives and a leash
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
