she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
