we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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