He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Two words: blizzard sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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