My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
