I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
