I will die if light touches me.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
