I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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