Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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