i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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