he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
