This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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