Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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