I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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