Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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