Umm I'm too high to move.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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