can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a search helicopter?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
