the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
