Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
