See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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