question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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