I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
