i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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