Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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