Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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