Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
