Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
