i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
