Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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