he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
