i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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