I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
