tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
