Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
