Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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