I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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