How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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