If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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