I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
