you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
