Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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