Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
