I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
